jewassicpark:

“pass me a joint”

i rip off my arm, crying as i pass the detached extremity to my friend 

flutterlings:

the whole yahoo/tumblr thing is rly just like when a single dad marries a new woman and the kids get rebellious and are like “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM”

miscaitlin:

teachers put the ass in assignments

clever-one-word-url:

GUYS MY 10 YEAR OLD BROTHER WAS JUST TELLING BE ABOUT HOW HE KNOWS EVERY GUY’S CRUSH IN HIS CLASS AND H KEEPS TRACK OF IT SO THAT IF A GUY GETS A NEW CRUSH HE GOES AND CALLS THE GIRL AND LETS HER KNOW. HE LITERALLY USED THE PHRASE “I’M IN THE BUSINESS”. 

GUYS

MY BROTHER IS A 5TH GRADE PIMP